Friday, 30 March 2012

My thoughts on people who panic bought petrol

If you panic bought petrol, then, in a nutshell, you’re a blert who’s been had off big time.

If you genuinely had to queue coz you were running on fumes and you needed a tenner’s worth to get you to yer bird’s tonight for a nosh. Fair enough.

I shall now digress, should you care to read on: 

1) The thing that annoys me the most about panic buying petrol is that there isn’t even a strike.  All the truckers are on the radio saying “Yeh we aren’t even striking yet.”  What ‘s actually happened is a load of MP’s have chatted shite trying to get us all to panic and fork out a few extra million quid to line their pockets before the end of the financial year.  Quite simple really. This panic buying will have quite literally just boosted the Government’s tax revenue by a good few million this financial year.  They’ll all be sitting off now in the Houses of Parliament laughing their inadequate cocks off watching a giant screen with the running total going up and up and up.  Then they’ll all be sooooo triumphantly happy and power crazed that they will start a game of Soggy Biscuit, and  that will then lead to them scatting on each other and all sorts, some work experience lad will walk in on it all and then a multi million pound cover up operation will commence, using taxpayers funds.  Nice one.

2) The thing that annoys me  second most is if you’re the kind of person who has panic bought petrol and filled your tank up so much that you couldn’t even fit a woodlice’s cock in there now,  then you’re possibly the type of person who has a wind up torch and variety of tinned food stashed under the stairs in case of an apocalypse. I cannot think for the life of me what tinned fucking food I’d want to eat if the world was ending. I’d want a steak. Steak and chips. With onion rings. And a pint.  That would be my “end of the world food”... Not some tinned peaches and cold beans.   And what the fuck is a wind up torch gonna do for me, moments before I am burned to a crisp by a giant fire ball? What-the-fuck-what will I want to do with a wind up torch?  Read a book? Do a crossword? No. No I would not. 

3) And the thing that really baffles me so much that my arse hole hurts is...... What’s THE WORST that would happen if YOU ran out of petty? Really?  

Is yer telly gonna stop working?  No.  

Is the footy gonna be off at the weekend? No.  

Is the takeaway gonna run out of chicken sweet and sour with egg fried rice? No.  

The worst thing that could possibly happen is that  YOU wouldn’t be able to drive to work.  Which, if you’re a decent scouser, is a belter. 

If I was in routine employment I would be doing everything I could to run out of petrol so I could bail off from work .. I’d be running my Nan the bingo and back, I’d lend @TinheadFTM my car so he could go drag racing down The Strand...  I’d even leave the engine running on the drive... all so I could run out of petrol and be “stuck at home, soz boss, no petty like have I?”

SO .... Basically .. if you went and panic bought petrol you should hang your head in shame. If you know someone who panic bought petrol then terror them accordingly for all the reasons above.  Or let their tyres down so they cant go anywhere after all.  That’ll teach them.

Laterz lids
JC  x


  1. "So much that my arsehole hurts."

    As much as when Sinbad used one of them deeop-friend cheap sossies from his Corrie kebab shop on yer while gagging yer face wid his chloroform soaked shammy leather?

    Cock whore.

  2. learn to spell lad

  3. Great Blog well said - who give's a Toss if it's Not Spell Correct at The Latest he as a Heart Doing This Blog !!

  4. I found out today who's behind this blog. YouTube vid coming soon.

    1. You mean Jimmy corkhill?

      Are you a fucking mong?