Wednesday, 22 February 2012

The Birkenhead Tranny

Those of you who have had the necessity to frequent The Wirral every now and then may at some point have had the extreme pleasure of seeing Stephanie The Birkenhead Tranny.

Often seen riding her / his bike along past The Pyramids or such like, our Steph, The Birkenhead Tranny, is the most graceful and convincing Tranny I have ever encountered.  She /he  is a regular at Ladies Day and looks a treat next to Colleen Rooney and other Scousewives.

If you haven’t been lucky enough to see her / him pedalling along on her / his push bike, then you are in for a treat with the below YouTube video, uploaded by some kind soul:

Now, those who saw my twitter yesterday may have seen me give a warm welcome to Steph as she / he joined twitter.  You should give him/ her a follow for some size 10 heel wearing banter:  @BirkenhdTranny

I had a bit of Twitter fun with her yesterday, in which I quickly established that Gary Neville still visits her on the reggers for #SuspenderAndWhipFun.  Good to know.

After this banter, she was on my mind yesterday evening and as me and the Brookie Poker Crew flicked between the Chelsea match, Gypsy Weddings and The Brits.. I couldn’t help but notice that Our Steph is a dead ringer for that Florence and The Machine chap:

Quite literally a mirror image.  Is right.

So, the moral of the story is: get on  @BirkenhdTranny  on Twitter and give her / him a shout if you need a Florence and The Machine double at a kids party or something.

Inabit x

Monday, 20 February 2012

Dear Rupert Murdoch, NO !

Dear Rupert Murdoch,

I have just woken up to hear that your group has oh so kindly confirmed that The S*n on Sunday will be launched this coming Sunday, by sensitively plastering the news over The S*n's front page.

Do you or your news group not know, or care, that this is a terrible insult to all the families still awaiting Justice for the 96?

I for one feel physically sick at the thought of you strengthening this sham of a newspaper. It is the last thing that Merseyside wants to see.

Rupert, if Twitter had been around back around the fateful time of the Hillsborough disaster, and when said sham of a paper printed such disgusting lies under the shameful title of THE TRUTH ----- the paper would have been forced to close.

We can only hope that the power of Twitter and the passion of the #JFT96 cause today can stop / delay / make you think twice about the launch of The S*n on Sunday.


Comment below & tweet the link of this page to @RupertMurdoch

Friday, 17 February 2012

The whole Piers thing

“Greetings blog world”.. or something like that.

I’m yet to find a suitable greeting that I feel comfortable actually writing.... “Alriggghhht laaaaa” sounds great in real life, but written down it looks like my keyboard is stuck. Which it is....  But that’s another matter.    *deletes internet history*

Anyway, I just thought I’d lash out another blog post and see what happens this time!

First off, thanks everyone for reading my Open Letter To Piers Morgan on Tuesday. I am still in extreme pain from laughing my cock and balls off at the fact that the egotistical moron actually read it and RETWEETED it to his 1.8million followers.

So far it’s had over 19,500 views and it is still getting retweeted now. Of everyone who replied to me on Twitter about it, honestly, like 95% of people agreed with me that the man is indeed a cunt of the highest order, and all replied to him in the tweet he got to see hundreds of people all agreeing that he is the very tip of a bell end. Nice one yooooz  lot. #MutualPiersHaters

I also got a few #PiersArseLickers defending him .. and then a few general haters reckoning that:

1 – I am an attention seeker, who wrote the blog for attention.  

INCORRECT, fact fans... I wrote it because, quite simply, Piers Morgan is a cunt.

 I get enough attention thanks. I can’t walk round town without getting one of the following phrases shouted at me:  “Jimmmmmy lad”  ..  “Where’s Sinbad?” .... “Where’s Fred The Weatherman?” ..  “Steer clear from my patio, lad” etc.

2 – I was desperate for followers, and wrote it to gain followers.

INCORRECT, fact fans... I wrote it because, how do I put this, Piers Morgan is a cunt.

p.s... I have already got more followers than I can keep up with. But hello to all my new followers and #MutualPiersHaters that are a happy coincidence of writing the blog.

3 – I am jealous of Piers Morgan.

INCORRECT, fact fans...again, I wrote it because Piers Morgan is ..*drum roll*... a cunt.

p.s... There’s more chance of me being jealous of a tramp with facial herpes. Telling’ yer.. If God or @JesusChristFTM rocked up and asked me if I would rather be a starving Ethiopian, an aids ridden Man Utd supporting rat (@GNev2) or Piers Morgan...  I’d go for the Ethiopian. At least I’d have a big cock with that option.

4 – I am a washed up soap star that is fully devvo’d to not be famous anymore.

INCORRECT, fact fans... I wrote it because Piers Morgan is a cunt.  Get the picture?  

p.s ... Those of you with more than 3 brain cells will know that I am not actually a washed up soap star. I am still a regular on TV aren’t I?  If you didn’t see my appearance on Channel 4’s Come Dine With Me recently then you missed out big time.

So.. my message to those people is turn it in and just face up to the indisputable fact that Piers Morgan is a cunt.  

There is, however, one thing that I left out of the letter that I’ve been kicking myself about... I proper wanted to tell him that he LOOKS like he can’t dance. You know when you look at someone and you can just tell that they have got the rhythm and movements of an epileptic having a fit whilst driving a go cart over some cobbles and a cattle grid? Yeh... that.  

Now moving on, I hate a lot of people. Not just Piersy Lad. A load of you have been asking me to lash out a few more Open Letters and nominating candidates.  Bono is the favourite so far. I could tear that perma-sunglass wearing numb nut a new one pretty easily, couldn’t I?

I will see what I can rustle up next week.

Oh one final thing...   A picture paints a thousand words.  This one paints that Piers Morgan is a cunt: 

Laters kids
JC x x

Tuesday, 14 February 2012



Dear Piers, 

Whatever happened to you at that posh private school you went to? Were you bog flushed on multiple occasions? Locked in cupboards for hours on end? Was your teddy bear beheaded? Were you de-kecked in front of hundreds of people?  Did you get forced to eat the ‘soggy biscuit’?  

I ask these questions not because I care about your troubled childhood in the slightest, but because I wonder what is behind you growing in to a despicable, embarrassment of a man.

You genuinely make me cringe so hard that my testicles invert.

“Why?” I hear you ask as you check your Twitter for “top blokey banter” from Alan Sugar.  Because you are quite literally the definition of an UtterTwunt. 

There are a million and one reasons why you are the definition of an UtterTwunt. I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking them through. I will probably end up dead if I write too much.

I deliberately swerve you on TV. As soon as your face appears doing one of those god awful manufactured life stories programmes with some FameRat like Peter Andre where you just talk over them anyway and hardly let them answer, etc – the TV goes off. 

But what I can’t avoid is your god awful tweeting, even though I don’t follow you, it keeps getting retweeted in to my timeline.  To be honest, I did follow you one time, just so I could UNFOLLOW you immediately to see if it gave me any respite from this eternal hatred. It did, for about 10 seconds, then I hated you even more. 

Annoyingly, I am a glutton for punishment, I see one of your tweets RT’d into my timeline and I just have to open it up and read it.  And time after time, I see you doing one of three things:

1) Namedropping a massive celeb, like a desperate Z-lister would /  RTing a “praise” tweet from an aforementioned massive celeb like a desperate Z-lister would.

2) Chatting shit about how great you are, how many followers you have, how many viewers your chat show has, how many countries it is broadcast to..etc.

3) Continuing to embarrass yourself by having “top blokey banter” with footballers that hate you / people that hate you / Alan Sugar who hates you etc.

What annoys me the most is that you are AWFUL at “banter”. Your comebacks are just so awful and cringe worthy, you act like a stuck up rich boy at private school, trying to defend himself from bog-flushing, de-kecking, cupboard locking and soggy biscuit eating. Hence my opening lines.
You are SO BAD  that you make the likes of Rio Ferdinand, Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney look good.  You make them look like they have won; which of course makes my blood boil so much that my ears whistle, as they are all absolute CuntKnuckles.   

Stop correcting their spelling and grammar. They are footballers – they aren’t meant to be able to spell.  Stop getting the red pen out and how’s about you actually lash a proper insult their way.  Tell Rooney that he looks like he got his hair cut in St. Helens for a fiver. Tell him that you’ve upped the security at your Mum’s nursing home so he doesn’t go and back end her.  And tell Rio that his top lip proper looks like a slug. In fact, tell him that his mouth actually looks like a badly packed kebab. Tell him that his Mrs has GOT a badly packed kebab.  And as for the Welsh Midget, surely you can muster something up about curling out a shit that was bigger than his entire body or something? Or something about United extending his contract, by putting a piece of paper at the bottom saying “he’s shit” ?  

Meanwhile, the thought of you broadcasting to millions of Americans in your newfound CNN fame makes me ill, purely because the WHOLE of America will think all English men are absolute bell ends. Simon Cowell and you are flying the flag. Good job I’m scouse and not English, isn’t it Piersy?

One other massive thing that infuriates the balls off me:

You called your three sons Spencer, Stanley and Albert. What kind of chance do they have of NOT BEING TWATS with names like that, and a Dad like you?  And even more annoyingly, combined, they sound like an utterly thundercuntish estate agents, or investment firm ... “Good Morning, Spencer Stanley Albert, how may I help you?”   

And one last thing, if, heaven forbid, I was an Arsenal fan, I’d get a petition going to get some kind of court order preventing you from associating yourself with the club.

Good day to you, you massive massive blert,

Jimmy Corkhill x


Gorrrra blog aven't I

Alright derrrr ...

Seeing as though @TinheadFTM and @JesusChristFTM have set up blogs so they can do MASSIVE RANTS and that ... I thought I would be a bad CopyTwat and get on one too.  Sozzz lads x 

So here it is !  My blog.

Blogs are evidently a BOSS way of doing much longer rants than on Twitter.
  I will be able to fully express my feelings and my general celeb terroring so much more eloquently in more than 140 characters won’t I?