Dear bunch of Southern beauts off that Essex programme,
(For the avoidance of doubt, and to clear any ‘language barriers’ beaut is not a complimentary term. A.K.A being a beaut is ‘NOT REEM’. *shudders*)
I write regarding my sheer, utter, relentless boredom of you being in the papers every five seconds, for quite literally, FUCK ALL.
In fact, I further this to question why you are in the papers AT ALL, never mind every five minutes.
Since when has one of you looking RATHER FAT in a bad bikini, then SLIGHTLY THINNER doing a god awful stupid pout , been viable news? I’m talking to YOU @LaurenGoodger
And then Mr Jelly Belly who prances around in a Tuxedo reckoning he can sing, making a bad tit of himself crying over that bird who keep swerving him all the time.. Yes YOU @RealJamesArgent
How is you having a £16,000 makeover made the news, when you still look like an absolute blert who bathes in chip fat every night? You got new teeth, a spray tan, a load of new clobber ... yeh great.. but how’s about you put down the double cheese burger for breakfast and swerve the ‘wet look gel’?
And don’t EVER , EVER get your moobs and jelly belly out in public / on TV again. EVER.
And then there is the one that looks like a horse with tits ..she knobbed that old man who owns Sugar Hut for his money, and then ditched him for a lower league footballer .. and then ... Yes I’m talking to YOU @MariaFowler
How is you rocking up in Liverpool at the Desperate Scousewives shop opening looking like you’ve fallen off the top of a Christmas Tree, and then “fighting” with Marcus Collins on Twitter, viable news?
And how how how do you have the audacity to actually call him an “XFactor Reject” on Twitter? He came second for fuck’s sake. He has singles in the charts. He is CLEARLY very talented. Where as you? You are famous for WHAT ? having tits and being a slag – thats what. You too have been SACKED from the show... so why are we still hearing about you? WHY?
And last but not least. The 12 year old boy. Joey Friggin Essex. @JoeyEssex_
Lad – what are you?
You get in the news for wearing HEAD TO TOE Hollister *shudders* and ORANGE UGG BOOTS *almost dies shuddering*
You are the worst example of BAD VIRGIN I have ever seen. Got about a zillion fan girls on twitter offering you Flange On A Plate and you just swerve it don’t you. Like my mate @TinheadFTM said the other day.... Where’s the papparazzi pics of you falling out of clubs at 4am? You should be beaked up, with fanny-slither all the way up to your elbows....Why not get yourself in the news for that? INSTEAD OF FOR DRIVING A WHITE SMART CAR !?
And as for your profile pic on Twitter of you ‘looking REEM’ in your white speedos.... I’ve seen more meat left in a KFC bargain bucket after that Arg lad has had a go at it after half a day of trying to diet. There’s a word up here for you, lad... = QUEG.
In summary... I just can not comprehend why people like you are repeatedly the subject of tabloid news agenda. Look at me and @SinbadBrookie, we can’t even get in The Liverpool Echo these days, despite decades of amazing soap acting and being LEGENDS across the Merseyside area. Didnt even get an invite to the Soap Awards the other night! Best exposure for me recently was the re-run of the episode of Come Dine With Me, where I rock up and serve chicken. Really. And it wasn’t even a celebrity episode.
So, I ask you to honour the views of me and the thousands that will read and retweet this, and stop getting yourselves in the news for FUCK ALL ... And please get yourself in the news for something NEWSWORTHY.. Say, a multiple car crash, or a suicide pact or perhaps a cast wide Anal Aids epidemic? I would quite happily read that kind of stuff.