Thursday, 16 August 2012

A FEW THOUGHTS ON / FOR MAN UTD FANS

I fired out a few tweets last night about the ‘Van Persie to Man Utd’ deal.
I’m not a sports writer, no. I don’t claim to be.  I’m just a football fan who spends most of the time taking the piss out of everything that breathes, and every now and then I tweet a little tiny glimmer of sense.

I said that Arsenal should be glad about generating £24m for a 29 year old striker. Most gunners who replied, agreed.

But for some reason, my tweet prompted every on-edge-defensive / axe-to-grind Man Utd fan in the country (majority being in the SOUTH of the country might I add) to tweet me jibes about Andy Carroll costing us £35m.  Majority of which went along these lines:

“Andy Carroll was £35m you kopite wanker hahahaha you scouse scum hahaahha #19”

Is this directly linked to Arsenal being pleased about getting £24m for RVP?  No. 

Granted, Newcastle will have laughed till they threw up at getting £35m for Carroll.  Of course they did.   Even the stack of left over Carroll NUFC shirts in his Sports Direct warehouse wouldn’t stop Fat Mike Ashley from laughing his fat sausage cock off.  Similar to the way we laughed at Chelsea, once we had stopped mourning / being angry, at taking Torres off us for £50m, to then have him sat on the bench or carrying out epic misses for the rest of that season, and the majority of the next.

((N.B   Did we really “pay” £35m for Carroll?  We actually got rid of an underperforming Torres, brought Carroll in to replace the role of Mr Underperformer, and actually ended up £15m better off if you look at it that way... but that’s an argument for another time.))

So in response to all the “hahahah you scouse bin-dippers paid £35m for Carroll” tweets, most of which were littered with spelling errors and general nonsense, I tweeted this:

“Yes #LFC paid £35m 4 Carroll.. BUT Reina £6m v DeGea £23m Agger £5m v Rio F £30m Lucas £6.5m v Carrick £18m Suarez £22m v Berbatov £30m”

What I was trying to illustrate, off the top of my head, was that yes we “paid” over the odds for Carroll, but we’ve had some decent bargains in recent years too.  Some good value players.

The tweet got 1500 RTs (still counting) and I got a hilariously bizarre mismatch of replies. (Some Everton fans agreeing with me was a first, I have to say!)

Unfortunately, the majority of replies were again from our intellectually challenged Man Utd friends, and with some difficulty I was able to translate a few of them to fit in the below categories:


Type 1 - “Yeh but we’ve won more. LFC have won fuck all. Fuck all since the 80s.”

Yes, LFC have won fuck all. We are categorically NOT the most decorated club in English history.  Honest.  We don’t have 41 trophies to your 40.   We really have won fuck all. Yes it’s so true.  We have NOTHING in our trophy cabinet. 

Shall I stop living in the past??  OK... Let’s scrap all the 80s stuff. Lets even scrap our 5th Champions league win in 2005. And FA Cup 2006. Even that’s too far back.  Let’s look JUST at last season shall we?  Andy Carroll’s first full season – De Gea’s first full season.  Is that modern enough for you? Because WE won the Carling Cup, and made the final of the FA Cup.  YOU won fuck all. Sweet fuck all.  Unless you want a trophy for getting dicked by City 6-1? Or a trophy for just “coming second in the league” ... That STILL won’t put you ahead, as we’d have a nice little trophy for coming second in 2008/09, too, wouldn’t we?

Type 2 - “Yeh that’s coz you scousers are skint and can’t afford fuck all except the bargain bin.”

Yes, yes. We are skint. Yes.  We are the ones that just floated ourselves on the NYC Stock Exchange. Yes that was us. Oh .. hang on a minute... that’s you.

And yes, only the bargain bin for us we are that skint, yes. We didn’t spend £35m for Andy Carroll, we actually swapped him for an old TV and some sexual favours. There was no money exchanged, because we are indeed skint.

Type 3 - “Yeh but Henderson and Downing are shit too.”

Yep, they aren’t amazing as of yet. But if we are playing that game, let’s throw in your purchase of Anderson at £20m. Anderson who is incredibly shit at everything except looking like that ‘Cleopatra Comin Atcha’ girl-band from the late 90s.   Shall we throw in Owen Hargreaves too at £17m?  Shall we bring up Bebe at £7.4m? Every team makes mistake buys – every team has disappointments. I was demonstrating the good value of some of our successful players -vs- yours, so why do you need to load the bloopers tape?


Type 4 -  “Yeh but we got Giggs and Scholes for £0m.”

Clap, clap, clap. Well done for that.  Ever heard of a couple of lads called Steven George Gerrard and James Lee Duncan Carragher?


Type 5 -  Miscellaneous illiterate shit and abuse.

Learn to spell.  Swerve being the big man. It's obvious you're only allowed on twitter whilst your Mrs watches Corrie.   #SevenThirtyTillEightTweeter

Oh and take the photo of you and your ugly kid off your profile picture – you’re an embarrassment to him/ her/ it. 


Laters, see you Sept 23rd.   #YNWA



William Hill Sports

10 comments:

  1. BANG ON JIMMY LAD!!! BANG ON!!!!!!!!! Brilliant

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  2. "Anderson who is incredibly shit at everything except looking like that ‘Cleopatra Comin Atcha’ girl-band from the late 90s" Funny lad. I'm a Manc and I found this bit hilarious. The rest of it was pure shite, obviously. ;o) Keep them coming Jimmy!

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  3. WELL WELL SAID !! WHEN LFC FANS GIVE THEM STICK ..THERE SO SCARED THEY WONT TALK BACK !! SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THERE MOTHER IS STILL GIVING THEM BABY FOOD THEY SOUND LIKE KIDS JIMMY !! HIDING BEHIND A LITTLE KIDS KEYBOARD INFACT THERE WATCHING CBEES CHANNEL

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  4. 3 Premier League, 1 League Cup medals, but like you say only good at looking like Cleopatra coming atcha.

    As for the transfer fees list why not try comparing the number of trophies each has won? Michael Carrick? - 11 trophies Lucas Leiva - 1 wonder if Leiva will have the same number as Carrick at the end of his career - get what you pay for?

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    Replies
    1. Good point! Anderson can look back on those glory days and tell his grandkids how he played such an important part in all the victories! How he only got a starting place because of injuries or suspensions and other than that struggled to get a place on the bench! Anderson is a bench warmer at best. Yes great value!

      As for Carrick other than a couple of decent seasons he has been injured or again just a bench warmer.

      So with your logic Poborsky was a great signing too!

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  5. David Burrows won more medals than Leighton Baines, but he isn't fit to lace his boots! That's a rubbish argument!

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  6. Liverpool net spend since prem began 580 mil Man Utd 527 mil Liverpool titles 0 Man Utd 12. Pick the bones out of that. Congrats on the carling cup though!!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. You've quoted the spending figures.

      We've still spent more but actual figures are:

      Liverpool net spend: £246m
      Man Utd net spend £217m (this doesn't include Buntner)



      http://www.transferleague.co.uk/premiership-transfers/liverpool-transfers.html
      http://www.transferleague.co.uk/premiership-transfers/manchester-united-transfers.html

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  7. Oh my god what a biased article. I do not support man u but you cannot compare liverpool with man u. They are on a completely different level. Liverpool have been awful the past 3 seasons. Anyone apart from pool fans can see they have wasted millions on very average players recently (aqularni 20m) they are further than they have ever been from being a real top team, still a massive club but not a top team. Also putting carragher in the same sentence as scholes or giggs....behave!!

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  8. Hi! What's your opinion on what does your average reader look like?

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